Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
