I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
