I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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