i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Panties = found
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