based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
