I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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