I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
