i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
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just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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