But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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