so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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