walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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