the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
