Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
