I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
