I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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