I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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