Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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