I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
