That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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