did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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