Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
