I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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