Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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