I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
