my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
