just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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