ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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