Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
