Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
