I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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