You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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