I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
