piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
