Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
