There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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