Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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