honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
