I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
