my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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