Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
