How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
