Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
