Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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