smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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