How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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