Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
