Don't you send me to vm
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.