This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
