So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw