to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.