I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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