yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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