Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
