What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
