Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
