i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Will exercising make me less horny?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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