i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
