I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
