Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
