So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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