How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
