the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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