Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
