I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
