I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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