I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I AM VODKA MAN
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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