I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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