We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
