your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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