I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
