is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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